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Old 12.12.2002., 14:51   #1
Matematički vicevi...

Evo, počinjem...
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Old 12.12.2002., 15:05   #2
-- Have you heard that the pope has settled the continuum hypothesis?
-- ???
-- He has declared that cardinals above 80 have no powers.

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Old 12.12.2002., 15:31   #3
Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x
cubed.

She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
He repeats "one third x cubed".
Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says.
So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...".

The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees.

The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?".

The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"
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Old 12.12.2002., 15:33   #4
Several scientists were asked to prove that all odd integers higher than 2 are prime.

Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, and by induction - every odd integer higher than 2 is a prime.

Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime. Just to be sure, try several randomly chosen numbers: 17 is a prime, 23 is a prime...

Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an approximation to a prime, 11 is a prime,...

Programmer (reading the output on the screen): 3 is a prime, 3 is a prime, 3 a is prime, 3 is a prime....

Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 -- results have not arrived yet,...

Psychologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime but tries to suppress it,...

Chemist: What's a prime?

Politician: "Some numbers are prime.. but the goal is to create a kinder, gentler society where all numbers are prime... "

Programmer: "Wait a minute, I think I have an algorithm from Knuth on finding prime numbers... just a little bit longer, I've found the last bug... no, that's not it... ya know, I think there may be a compiler bug here - oh, did you want IEEE-998.0334 rounding or not? - was that in the spec? - hold on, I've almost got it - I was up all night working on this program, ya know... now if management would just get me that new workstation tha just came out, I'd be done by now... etc., etc. ..."
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Old 12.12.2002., 15:34   #5
One day a farmer called up an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician and asked them to fence of the largest possible area with the least amount of fence.

The engineer made the fence in a circle and proclaimed that he had the most efficient design.

The physicist made a long, straight line and proclaimed "We can assume the length is infinite..." and pointed out that fencing off half of the Earth was certainly a more efficient way to do it.

The Mathematician just laughed at them. He built a tiny fence around himself and said "I declare myself to be on the outside."
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Old 28.03.2006., 20:52   #6
dshmnhgfsdhghfhgfghfghfhgfhgfhghfgfgfgfgfghgfgfghf ghghhghghfghfghgfh
sonic blade is offline  
Old 30.04.2007., 22:38   #7
dajte na hrvatskom neke
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n'importe quoi. totalement.
burt is offline  
Old 02.05.2007., 17:13   #8
a ne može, uglavnom gube smisao ako ih se prevede...

why did a mathematician call his dog Cauchy?
- he left residues around every pole!

what is the integral around western europe?
- zero, there are no Poles!
(- yes there are some poles, but they are removable!)
fuzzbrain is offline  
Old 02.05.2007., 18:05   #9
zašto niz plavuša konvergira?

jer je ograničen i monoton
marijan_e is offline  
Old 03.05.2007., 22:23   #10
dabogda vam se razlomci ne pokrate


kaj delaš?
D'Alamberta
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Plug_in is offline  
Old 04.05.2007., 21:28   #11
isle deva pustinjom iza prve isle 2 iza 2 isla 1 a iza 3 isla jedna

gdje je problem

3 deva voli lagati
Ro3y is offline  
Old 05.05.2007., 11:05   #12
probaj staviti tacku posle rednog broja i neki zarez da bolje razumemo ono sto si napisao!
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ungsa is offline  
Old 05.05.2007., 12:32   #13
why does six afraid of seven?
because seven, eight, nine.
 
Old 05.05.2007., 12:35   #14
Quote:
SatansLittleHelper kaže: Pogledaj post
why does six afraid of seven?
because seven, eight, nine.
ajme staroga vica još se sićan kad je to bilo u Dexters laboratory pa nisan kužija hehe
marijan_e is offline  
Old 05.05.2007., 12:52   #15
grupa inženjera je dobila zadatak izmjeriti visinu stupa na kojeg se obješa zastava, a u tu svrhu smiju koristiti samo svoje ruke i noge, te metar koji se zakaci na vrh te povlačeći prema dnu, izmjeri visina stupa.

i pokušavaju oni, ali nikako da im krene. još se nekako i popnu do vrha i zakače metar ali pri povlačenju metar im sklizne i opet ispočetka.

uto naiše matematičar i pita ih u čemu je problem. ovi mu kažu, a on se ponudi da im da rješenje. oni prihvate.

matematičar jednostavno iščupa stup, položi ga na zemlju, zakači metar na jedan kraj i izmjeri, i kaže 5 metara te ode.

ljutiti inženjeri se pogledaju međusobno i zaključe:
"pravi je matematičar, mi tražimo visinu, a on nama duljinu!!!!"
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vozi tangentom po točki infleksije
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Old 08.05.2007., 00:40   #16
Ide diferencijal ulicom i natrči na funkciju.

"Mori funkcijo daj neke pare inače ti ne gine prvi izvod a ako me razbjesniš možemo i dalje".
"Nemoj molim te druže diferencijal evo ovdje je sve što imam".
"Vrlo dobro funkcijo!"

Ide tako dalje naš diferencijal i natrči na drugu funkciju
"Mori funkcijo ..."
"Nemoj molim te, nemam para al' evo ti bonovi za menzu".
"Može!"

Kad je naišao i na treću funkciju gladni diferencijal reče:

"Mori funkcijo ..."
"Evo tebi karina, ja sam e na x."


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rakes83 is offline  
Old 10.05.2007., 08:30   #17
šta napravi matematičar kad dobije upalu sinusa?
-ode u apoteku i traži arcus sinus.
zvir is offline  
Old 10.08.2008., 16:55   #18
stari, ali simpatičan

trči funkcija i viče. "bježite svi, stiže derivacija!!!"
sve su se funkcije razbježale, samo jedna mirno, nezainteresirano stoji.
dolazi derivacija i kaže: "šta ti ne bježiš? ja sam derivacija!"
funkcija kulerski odgovara: "pa šta onda, ja sam e na x"
derivacija će: "a ja sam derivacija po y!"
fuzzbrain is offline  
Old 14.08.2008., 22:07   #19
Što je površina?

Sudare se jedan i jedan.

Jedan od njih pogine.

Onaj preživjeli postao je površina, a poginuli prešao u drugu dimenziju.
tomislav50 is offline  
Old 14.08.2008., 22:14   #20
Prva obitelj

Reče broj jedan : Ja sam Bog!!!
Na to će nula : Ali moja je majka sve rodila.
Nakon nekog vremena vjenčaju se nula (0) i jedan (1) te postaše : jedan broj deset (10).
Imali su devetero djece :
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